Retribution
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Luigi shows his friends something pretty neat, but Diddy Kong is irked by some painful memories


"All right, guys!" said Luigi. "Prepare your life for this wonderment!"

There it was, Luigi's prized possession. The Ultra Cheeto.

Toad examined the relic, placed a loving tongue upon the Ultra Cheeto and examined its proportions of absolute cheese and toe.

"Magnificent, ain't it?" Luigi said with his eyebrow tilted in the satisfaction of bringing life to a new era.

Yoshi humphed edgily at the sight of the formidable glory. He wanted to eat Cheetos and felt this was the law of the land. He was thoroughly disappointed in Luigi's astonishing tribute. It felt like the errors of ears trapping wax. He looked away and cursed the day and night with his spherical nose ownership.

"What is eating at Yoshi?" asked Daisy. She was concerned about the trust of friends.

Luigi growled at Yoshi's dishonest friendship qualities and hopped across the table, Ultra Cheeto firmly grasped and staining his pure white gloves of purity with the orange essence.

Yoshi turned and saw Luigi approach with green anger. His eyes widened in surprised shock and astonishment.

Luigi darted his mighty arm out and seized the dinosaur's bulbous olfactory appendage and piledrove the Ultra Cheeto into the recesses of his expansive corridors. The Ultra Cheeto's delightful scents entered the auditorium of Yoshi's wholesome flavour center. The whiffs of cheesy goodness attacked with fury at the exposed nerve endings and delivered packages of perfection to his reptilian thinking organ.

"Holy banana cream pies…" said Donkey Kong, hanging from his vine and slowly tasting banana as he watched Luigi explore the depths of Yoshi's nostrils like a true and godly G.

Diddy was there too. He was kind of disturbed by Luigi's tactics for cheese recognition and pulled out his peanut popgun. "Uh-oh, my hand slipped!" said the young monkey as he pulled the trigger and fired a shell at Luigi's hat.

Luigi's hat died that day. Everyone wept and their tears flourished among the cacti, fulfilling them like camels across the desert. Even Daisy cried and she had never done so due to her hatred for salt.

Toad took out a bandage and repaired the hat, but alas, it was really, really dead and now deserved burial.

"Diddy, why?" asked Luigi as he exited from Yoshi's scenter and held his slime-covered limb outstretched as a gesture of righteousness and friendly attributes.

Diddy was ashamed. He took out a picture of his mother and thought about her noble sacrifice to Canada last year.

***FLASHBACK***

Diddy's mum: "Lo, the skies bleed aquatic life…"

The fish fell and into the earthen dust they settled. Their ichthyotic corpses were a sign of fertility. Soon the trees would flourish across the island. Palms and coconuts alike, this specific flora would be the result of the skyward promise made by the heavenly spirits.

"Mata Nui…" whispered Diddy as he watched all fish and sharks and whales and dolphins and porpoises and anemones fall and dedicate the ashen soil with restored life. Now all was well and the goodness was upon every sandy beach.

"Yes, my grand son, Diddy Timothy Kong…" said Diddy's mum. "Look and behold the prize of nourishment. Every sprouting tree, every child of peace, every cloud and sea you see with your eyes…"

"I see destruction and demise," said Diddy's father, Handsome Gordon.

"Omigosh!" said Diddy in shock of his father's unkind words.

Handsome Gordon drew his lightsaber and he and Diddy's mum dueled into oblivion. This was until the skies rained aquatic realm-dwellers once again and splendoured the fields and streams with more goodly ideals.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

Diddy would never forget that fateful day of chaos, misery, and woe.

"I will never forget that fateful day of chaos, misery, and woe," said Diddy to his companions. He reached for the peanut popgun and took it to his own hat, destroying its red fabric like a doomed eternal.

DK, Luigi, Daisy, and Toad gasped at the sight. Yoshi did not for he was an emo hotboy liver.

Diddy's hat died and was buried next to Luigi's as a sign of retribution.

"I see your noble sacrifice, Diddy," said Luigi to his monkey brother.

"Aye, I had to make sure the equivalent exchange was adhered to," said Diddy. He took two bananas and handed one to his big buddie. He held the other one up to his nose. "And now I must finish this…"

"Diddy, no!" cried Toad as he ran forward with crying hands.

It was too late, Diddy shoved the banana delicately through each nostril, creating a yellow mustache that provided holiness and rebirth.

DK had a good tear in his eye. "Nice mustache, my little buddie," said the strong gorilla guy.

"Yes, thank you, Future Ruler of Kongo Bongo…" said Diddy.

Luigi smiled as he held Toad near and dear. "We did it," said Luigi, thinking deeply about the Ultra Cheeto and the protection it had gifted the verdant plains.

Toad sniffled. "I can't believe our fortune, but don't we not deserve a lick of it?"

Yoshi humphed as he saw passersby outside of the temple. He positioned his dino rear onto the window. "I am not a fan of people looking at our holy house. Those eavesdroppers should be terminated…"

"I believe your talking," said Daisy. "Now please remove thine booty from the pane."

"No," said Yoshi.

So they kicked him until he stopped. But Yoshi never stopped. He was just too good at establishing life goals between righteousness and the Ultra Cheeto. What a saint he was and still is evermore…

**FIN**


End file.
